I have to hand it to the Republicans and the Fox Propaganda News Network, they have truly crusaded this season to keep the “Christ” in Christmas, and jumped onto the battlefield of secular America where they claim a War on Christmas is being waged.  Lets review their views of the true meaning of Christmas, shall we?

First and foremost, language over substance.  It just burns Bill O’Reilly’s ass that merchants are saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.”  It apparently doesn’t bother him that merchants are shitting on their employees, underpaying them, making them move Black Friday up to Thanksgiving Day, etc.

Santa Claus and Jesus are both white.  As one of Fox’s blonde cheerleaders, Megyn Kelly explained, “Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean it has to change. You know, I mean, Jesus was a white man, too.”

Pope Francis is clearly not speaking for Jesus, because he is attacking capitalism, saying that the incredible wealth disparity in this country and the world is immoral.  And wanting to talk more about God’s love, and helping the poor and the sick, it’s just more than the good Christians at Fox can take.  Rush Limbaugh is infuriated too.  Apparently, Jesus was a staunch capitalist, and was misquoted when he said “it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven”

Apparently, Jesus only approved of feeding the hungry through his miracles.  He certainly wouldn’t have approved of a small percentage of a wealthy nation’s taxes going towards feeding it’s hungry.  As Bill O’Reilly explained of his Lord:  “You know, Congressman McDermott is trying to convince people by saying that Jesus would feed the poor which he would. We all know that. . . the problem I have, as I stated is that you are helping one group by hurting another group and a bigger group. And so I don’t know if Jesus is going to be down with that.”

Since Bill “Big Heart” O’Reilly was talking about cuts to food stamps, we can assume that the “bigger group” that is being hurt are the employed people in this country who make enough money to actually pay federal taxes.  Guys like Bill O’Reilly, one of the bigger groups being hurt by our federal government’s food stamp program, just don’t think Jesus would be ok with that.  It’s just too radical.  Seems I remember Jesus saying something along the lines of “you will be judged by how you treat the least among us,” but I must be mistaken.  Jesus of Nazareth, according to Bill O’Reilly, would certainly not approve of tax money feeding the poor.  Presumably, if Bill agrees with his asshole, twin blow-hard colleague, Sean Hannity, on the same network,  that “the U.S. is the greatest, best country, that God ever gave man on the face of the earth” -presumably Jesus would be down for the bigger group, the people with money and food, paying taxes to drop bombs on the rest of the world.  He would approve a military budget that dwarfs all other nations and takes up slightly over half of the federal budget.  Jesus would be down for that.

Jesus would also apparently champion the cause of the health insurance companies’ noble pursuit of rationing out health care for the sake of their profits over the treatment of children with pre-existing conditions, if we are to accept Fox’s commentator, republican, hater of gays, and ex-preacher and pastor Mike Huckabee’s values about what is right and wrong.

And how about those family value Republican politicians out there?  As of right now, they are letting most of the Farm Bill expire, because they are at a crossroad with Democrats:  the good Christians in the House G.O.P. want more cuts to the already underfunded food stamp program for the poor in the Farm Bill, but want to continue the huge subsidies that benefit mostly the large industrial, corporate farms.  So more kids of poor parents  will go hungrier this season.  That’s ok though, because as Bill O’Reilly explained in addition to Jesus not being down for feeding the poor through taxes, he (Bill Reilly) won’t feed a kid unless he absolutely knows their parent who is probably a drug addict or alcoholic, is not going to receive one cent to fund their addiction. Tough shit for that guy’s kids. Republicans have a long standing tradition supporting the rights and sanctity of the life of a fetus, while voting to cut all programs that help poor children once they are actually born.  School lunches?  Let the poor go “dumpster diving” as Rush Limbaugh once offered.

Republicans also managed to get the weak- ass Democrats to agree to a budget deal they call “bi-partisan” that not only doesn’t get food to the hungry, but also lets extended un-employment benefits run out on Dec. 28.  Traditionally, up until now, both Republicans and Democrats in power have extended un-employment benefits in a sluggish economy with an un-employment rate as high as ours is now, in the worst economic disaster the country has faced since the Great Depression, brought about by the reckless gambling of Wall Street.  But as Tea Bagger Rand Paul explains, extending the un-employment benefits any longer would actually be doing a “disservice to the workers.”  So those workers without jobs will have to get off their lazy asses on Dec 28 and go out and find a job, although there are currently 3 job seekers to every one job available.   But we wouldn’t want to do them a disservice and enable them to continue to keep a roof over their family and living children’s heads, or food in their bellies, by keeping them alive with tax payer subsidies.  That would hurt the bigger group, like the Big Hearts, the lovers of Christmas and Jesus, the Assholes and Liars and Idiots of Fox, and the Republican party that they work tirelessly for, spreading their campaign of lies, mis-information and propaganda.  The bigger group (code for the top 1 percent) only wants what a good Christian nation should want:  capitalism that funnels an overwhelming majority of the nation’s wealth to the top 1 percent, and bombs to slaughter the enemies of “freedom” of God’s greatest gift to the world – America.  And don’t even think about a minimum wage increase, the good people at Fox and the humanitarian and intellectual giant, Sarah Palin, are too busy praying for the safe return of the Duck Dynasty family to their 200 thousand dollar an episode job at A&E, having been discriminated against too, for their strong Christian values of judging their neighbors.

Happy Holidays.  I think I’m going to head over to Walmart, curse out the Salvation Army volunteers in the parking lot for asking for money from the group that has money to do a disservice to the less fortunate.  Walmart needs their half of the 400 million dollars spent on the Duck Dynasty merchandise this year alone, to be able to afford to pay their poverty wage workers.

And in the true spirit of Christmas, I’m going to give Bill O”Reilly the microphone on my rant, singing “Jesus Loves the Little Children” in this YouTube video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy-Y3HJNU_s